Its A Confidence Thing

Please look at these two women

 

 

 

 

 

I’m pretty sure a few of you thought they are confident women (ignoring the obvious of who they are) It has taken me some time to get round to being able to write this blog. It’s a bit like my Boys To Men blog that while the idea is in my head getting it out isn’t always as easy.

This is the meaning of the Word Confidence
noun
1.full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing: We have every confidence in their ability to succeed.
2.belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance: His lack of confidence defeated him.

I think it’s safe to say that most of us when we think of the word ‘Confidence’ think of the second.
It would be logical in a way as we attribute this to a human emotion or way of being helps us understand the world around us.

When we think of a confident person, it’s someone who oozes sex appeal or strength of inner self.
We think of someone who isn’t generally quiet, who will appears to not allow anything to faze them, almost an air of self-assured arrogance.
(This is only my personal opinion)
I am often told I am a ‘confident’ person, personally I don’t think I am I know for a fact If people think this you are wrong it’s in my attempt to cover any of my own insecurities.

However much we view our own confidence levels or ourselves in various aspects of our life, work or personal the way others view us isn’t always the same.  In the last week I have a few friends who have been quite clear about their views on me as a person in aspects of my personal life rather than work life. I also have views on their perception of self which I want to change.  So I want to share them with you its purpose will become clear at the end.

I have blogged about Miss B before; known each other since nursery we went to Turkey together last September she planned to go asked me on a whim and I agreed.  To Miss B I am this girl who does all sorts of crazy things without over thinking things, I’m impulsive, but mainly to her I am the girl who has boys falling over her and is laid back and not needy! She often text me to ask if I can help her to stop over thinking, if she can text a boy or talk to them…. What Miss B doesn’t realise is we all wonder those things, we all think crap should I text this boy, do they like me is it ok to be doing this? What would they think of me?
So when I her I asked someone out on a date last week, she was shocked told me I was braver then she was and that why she envies me because I have the ‘confidence’ in myself to ask someone! What she saw as confidence was me going so far out of my comfort zone by asking someone out. I have the confidence of a goldfish when it comes to guys but for her it’s important for me to be that confident person because if I’m not she thinks there is no hope for her.

Next the delightful Maz who I have known since school who unlike Miss B is one of the strongest, self-driven people I know. She has me down as the one of those girls who does things she needs to do without any help who says what she thinks, and yes I can be as blunt as a spoon when I want to be and I am direct if I think it I tend to say it regardless sometimes of consequence but never in malaise. So when I ended up going alone on Monday to my mini-op because it hadn’t happened on Friday she simply laughed and told me I am the only girl she knows who would  be confident and brave enough to just go and do something like that alone. I’m not sure if that is just being pig headed not accepting help from anyone rather than confidence. But some of the things I have been through make me forget its ok to ask for help because I think I’ve been through worse on my own. Guess time will tell if this is right or not.

Lastly is MY Essex Girl while she hasn’t known me the shortest out of the 3 but knows me in a way they don’t maybe from living together. She knows when I’m hiding things, happy she loves my over enthusiasm with everything. She has had a crap year, car crash, bowl disease that nearly killed her and she is getting married. But she gave me the knowing look on Saturday asking what had happened to me. I filled her in, her response you was ‘you idiot – we all get bruised by others and you’ve had a knock and had an awful 6 months, don’t lose your ability to not give a shit about stupid stuff, to not care if a boy likes you or not, you went out of your zone that took guts, but don’t you dare lose that savvy confidence that spark’

While I love all 3 of these girls sometimes you can’t help when you have known people for so long to gain a perception of someone else’s strengths and weaknesses.  To confuse and believe that the way someone is being is confident and they all have a way of viewing my apparent confidence differently depending on how we interact as friends and what I display to the outer world as I am quite closed off. Chances are I will never tell all 3 of them the same thing that is going on in my life you will get a snippet its just how I am.

However it was @Love_London who reminded me in a roundabout way this week that my view of myself is way more critical then how others see me. That I am in fact more then I give myself credit for, somewhere deep down I do know this but it comes from a long way back my inability to believe in my own possible awesomeness.

I can however feel that as the days are getting longer and the spring is creeping in that the crap back end of last year is dyeing away and I am having more good days then bad days that writing this is my way of accepting that it might be time to attempt to change some of my own internal thinking about myself and get that ‘Spark’ back.